Falling In Love!

“Falling in love” – I often wonder why do people say that? Why can’t people rise in love? It’s a question; you will not find an answer to unless you “FALL” in love yourself!
Have you ever heard of a love story with no tragedy that is so eternal? Whether you consider the great works of Shakespeare such as Romeo-Juliet, or the Arabic love legend of Laila-Majnu, or the great Indian love stories such as Heer-Ranjha or Devdas; you will not find a smile on your face after you have studied their stories. Almost all great works of literature have an essence of love, but it is hard to think of a legendary love story, on top of your head, that would bring a smile on your face.
One may have heard it a million times how beautiful and refreshing - falling in love is; that everything seems so beautiful; you talk to the moon to convey your message to your beloved when your beloved is away from you; walking back home in the rains with no umbrella even when you are holding one in your hand, and kicking the rain water in playful mood; singing and writing love songs that may make no sense at all to most of your friends; lost in the thoughts of your beloved even when in the crowd! Oh well, I must say it is all just the beginning of the greatest fall you may have ever experienced in your life!
I bet there are two types of falling in love… One in which you just keep falling and you never reach the bottom! And, the other which also starts with ‘Oh! It feels great to be in love’ feel, and ends with an ‘Oh! I was such a fool to have loved thee’ feel, when you hit the bottom; you hit the bottom right on your face, and you just keep wondering why it all happened! For our reference, let us call them as Fall-1 and Fall-2. One thing that separates these two doors to hell, that look alike and it is only you who has to decide which one to open and get burnt in the hell to ashes, is the way you feel for your beloved. If you read my last line carefully, you will see that there is no third door, which will take you the heavens, by not falling in love! Ha Ha, yes; there is NO other go! Everybody falls in love. If you still have not, you will soon see the doors to the hell I am talking about…
Alright! So then, I was talking about the thin line that separates these two doors to "falling" in love. The thin line is defined by the way you feel and treat your beloved. Yes, trust me… that, is the only difference! If you feel your beloved is just a part of your life, or even an important part of your life and you value the existence of others such as your parents, friends and those who ‘Love’ you, then you are feeling the Fall-1! On the other hand, if you feel that your beloved is the only reason for your existence and you love your beloved ‘THE MOST”, and it really doesn’t matter who else exists in your life other than your beloved… then well, Oh boy! You are calling for trouble and pain, and the worst hell you may ever want to go to! That’s Fall-2 for your information…
I have lived 24 years of my total life. I have no idea how many more to come and go! I guess, I am one of the lucky few to have experienced both types of falling! Or Am I the only one to have survived both the falls! And its funny, I have come across the same two doors that I hate to open the most now, yet one more time!
It is however inevitable to fall in love at some point in your lives. You just can not avoid it and you can never ignore it! God gives you just two options: Fall-1 or Fall-2. It is up to you to decide. And right said friend, you really do “FALL” in love!

FEAR...is the HeArt of love!!!

I wanna crawl, to the safest place...
where my heart won't be broken!
I wanna be blind...
so that I don't see you walk away!
I just wanna feel again,
the free love..that you gave me!

Never really knew,
things would be dis ugly!
I would have done anything, if I could...
to freeze the time to their best minutes!
Now dat the times movin on..
I feel lonely, I feel sick!

Tragedies, is what my heart is full of...
memories that are burnt to ashes now...
the ashes, that can't be destroyed anymore
only time, can be the wind to blow them away!
With nothing to lose, all lost...I try to move on,
I try to hold on!Feel tired, feel sick...

In a soliloquy, I try to explain myself...
but nobody seems to be listening!
Why is dat everytime I believe somethin s true,
It turns out to be d ugliest illusion!
I've had enough of these games now...
Is it time I move on? The I in me feels so low!

For fear... is the heart of love!
I don't see no sunshine ahead...
for illusion has turned to reality!
things aren't the way they were before...
and I can't help myself, but miss thee my life!!!

The Man who sold his love!

Monday, 9th April... Had to bid goodbye to my last love... couldn't even watch her go! He came and he took her... All I could do, was think of her in his arms and wish him for future!!! Its not even a week, and I've already started to feel lonely without her... and I'll specially miss her during the weekend! Her black sexy body, and the steer to drive anyone crazy on a ride... Her music sense... Just about everything that made me go crazy for her... I'll miss it all!
I tried my level best to keep her with me forever! But couldn't... The last time I saw her, I felt as though she was crying out not to let that man take her... She was happy with me too... I believe, even she is missing my warm touch... and may be even the hard, frustrated hits when struck in the traffic!! Everything just seems like yesterday... and still a long time to go!
She was really what her name was... SWIFT! Took care of her as my baby... and couldn't stop the tears dropping, when appa gave the phone to the bastard who bought her and I said with trembling voice... "Hey! Congratulations sir... All the best... nann maguna Chennagi Itkolli" (Congrats, all the best and keep my baby well!). Tears just ran down my cheeks, I was at work... Banged the phone receiver down and ran to the restroom... washed my face... but felt a hurting pinch deep within my heart! My mind unable to shift focus from how much I am gonna be missing her! Well, nothing was in my hands... everything was over... she was SOLD!
I still remember the first day, when I sat on her lap, with my life besides me, trying to steer her safe to my place! My life told me... "Preim, Keep her safe and love her more than me...!!!". I said, "I wil..." and I did... but just like my life, even my black beautiful baby had to leave me alone... and I was left thinking why do I have to give away everything that I love and want to keep with me always... I am just left with the memories to keep with me!
Tomorrow is Saturday... and I am gonna miss her like hell! The full sound-blasting rides in the city, people staring at her with eyes of envy... wishing if she could be theirs! I'll miss it all... I'll miss her.. I'll miss my baby...
And the Mayhem in my mind... Continues...

Flying Dreams;

I believe I can fly...

Nopes! I am not referring to the 1996 R Kelly song! It's a dream I was "made" to dream in the spring of 2005! I put in more efforts, to prove a point, to prove that I deserved. But none of that was considered!

It was way back in 2005, that I decided, I was too bugged with work! Well, that wasn't a difficult decision I know! I decided to quit (as though it was a bad habit ruining my life!)... Go to a higher knowledge space... I decided (again!!!) that I must speak to the competitive authority about it and I did. He appreciated my will to push forward, but least did I know then that my eyes will be blinded from the truth; that I will be tied up with a hope to fly sky high... with a dream to fly to the United States!!!

But, it wasn't long before then that I confronted the truth. It was as hard as a rock to digest! I wasn't to fly! But it was too late for me to face the truth and I wasn't prepared at all! Tumultuous agony... MAYHEM days were staring at me! Had nothing to look back... Nothing! I didn't have any choice left but to face the days like a brave warrior. The support I sought earlier was no more there. Life, as I used to call her then, had quit me and moved on; and I missed her in those days, when I sought her support the most! The days were getting harder to get through, and the nights even difficult to sleep through. I did not dare to dream again! I felt like a weak old blind man without his walking stick!

Days passed by and time kept ticking, as it never does stop for anyone. I did not have a clue, if it would end! Resolutions, kept losing my sight, far beyond my reach! The only thing that I could see was a hope, hung by itself - not in my reach but within my sight, to which I had to hang on to. But for how long - Unanswered! No one seemed to know! If I cut lose my grip on the hope, I feared of falling from a cliff so high! I was trying to hold on... but kept losing the strength!

"The sun shall shine, the clouds shall bring rains, the grasses shall remain green and thou, my Lord, shall always be worshiped"! Sounds like brave optimistic words. But I don't know for how long these words would mean the same to me! Shall be seen...

getting to blog;

Finally! the day has arrived... like many others, I start to believe in sharing my thoughts through things I considered worthless, waste of time and business of the jobless asses! BLOGS!

Well, my apologies... and now on.. you are invited to my world of feelings, which i must warn all, is MAYHEM!

Enuf for the introduction round.. Welcome to MAYHEM...